We all have areas where we struggle in our daily lives. For me, the area that presents the most difficulty is support. One thing that I learned during my battle with leukemia, is how important that support is to humans. If I’d accepted support throughout my life, my stress would not have been out of control, opening my body to ravaging disease. I also realized that if I had not accepted support during my illness, that the outcome would have been very different.
What do I mean by support? There are two dimensions to it. One dimension is how I provide support to others. That includes my spouse, children, parents, friends, co-workers and employees. Am I willing to help them realize their goals? Can they count on me to be a part of their team? And what does being a part of their team really mean?
While it’s important to support and nurture others, supporting others typically isn’t the challenge. For me and millions of others, the real issue with support, is RECEIVING it. We are typically over-achievers when it comes to helping others. We are willing to help because doing things for others makes us feel good about ourselves. As humans, we get great satisfaction in making a difference for others. So we are always there, ready to extend a hand.
There are 3 ways we try to help others that are actually doing a disservice to both ourselves and the person we are trying to assist.
1. When the person we are “helping” hasn’t asked. When we help without being asked, we take away the right of that person to handle the matter in the way that is right for them. We are robbing the other person of the experience and are blocking their learning process.
2. We use being helpful as an excuse to make ourselves feel better. We impose our idea of what needs to happen.
3. We are attached to their outcome and our involvement in their outcome. We don’t check in about what is ours to do to help them on their path. As I mentioned above, what does it really mean to be a part of their team?
On the flip side of this equation, is the unwillingness to ask for support or to allow others to help us. This is where I’ve learned the problem occurs for most of us. We have patterns in our lives that get in the way; patterns that we have created from coping with events in our past that have caused wounds. These patterns are the armor we wear so that no one thinks we can’t do it all ourselves. We want everyone to think that we don’t need anyone to help us achieve the results that we want. We want to be seen as strong and competent. We fear being weak.
When we give in to this fear, we refuse to engage our partners and collaborators in manifesting our desires. These are the people in our lives that support us in what we desire to accomplish. We rob ourselves of the help that we need to move our lives forward. We make the decision to take it all on ourselves. When we judge ourselves as weak and don’t ask for or accept support, we struggle alone to accomplish a goal that is more easily achieved with support from others. Not an effective way to achieve the results we really want in our lives.
So how do we become willing to accept the support we need? We need to identify what is keeping us from being open to support and confront whatever that challenge is. Each person needs to reflect on what is holding them back. In my case, I do, indeed, have a challenge because I don’t want others to know that I need help – that I am not able to do everything myself. That I am not Super Mom, Super Friend, Super Employee, Super Woman.
I judge myself for not having it all together. I judge that I am weak. I fear that others will judge me for this, also. I actually know that my community does not judge me and that they are willing to help me. In my case, I need to relax enough to recognize the truth of what a blessing my community is and to release the need to be self-sufficient. Easy, peasy, right? Oh, how I wish! Old patterns are persistent. We need to be constantly on guard that we don’t fall back into them. That takes being aware of them, recognizing them when they pop up, then confronting that challenge and enlisting whomever you need at the time.
What you will find when you allow your desires to be supported by truly caring collaborators, is that manifesting what you desire becomes much easier. The other thing that you will find, as I have, is that when you meet your goal, every one of your collaborators will share in your joy. You will have shared yourself and your success with them in a powerfully personal way that will leave them feeling fulfilled for having been a part of your journey.
So share your dreams and goals with those who care for you and want to see you happy and successful. Then let them help and support you. You’ll be amazed at how much more quickly and easily you’ll manifest your desires and how much less stress you will experience.