My husband and I at lunch – January, 2013.
It was Friday, April 8, 2011. I was sitting in the Hematological Oncology Department at Mayo Clinic, meeting with one of their specialists. “You have a very aggressive form of Acute Myeloid Leukemia. The prognosis is that you have less than 90 days to live.” To say that I was shocked or that I was having trouble processing what he had just said, would be the epitome of an understatement.
“Here’s the deal. We can try some aggressive treatments that will include chemotherapy and most likely, a bone marrow transplant. That is if we can get your disease into remission. It will be painful; you will be sicker than you are today. There is no guarantee that we will be successful. That is Plan A.”
Surreal is the only way I can describe my feelings at that moment. “So what is Plan B?”
“We have a hospice facility behind the hospital. Plan B is that we check you in there and manage the pain for the time that you have left.”
I was appalled. “Does anyone actually opt for Plan B?!!!”
“Yes, they do,” was the reply.
I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I would choose Plan B.
As I sat absorbing what the doctor had said, I knew that I needed to go for Plan A. I knew that I would not die. I knew that I was not done in this life. I still had work to do. What that work was, was not clear; Just the message that I needed to return to health to complete my mission here. I just KNEW it. No logical explanation. Just a deep, soul-level knowing. Although I couldn’t name it at the time, my intuition was the knowing. It was the force that was guiding my conviction and my decision to become an active participant in regaining my health.
So I grabbed onto that message, that intuition, like a lifeline. I said, “Let’s do this!”
The doctor was right; the path was difficult, the methods they used to cure me, made me sicker than I had ever been in my life. So sick that there were days that I doubted my message. I asked myself whether what I had been so sure was a message, was just wishful thinking, Just my way of denying what was really happening in my life.
I was so sick that I threw pity parties for myself. But, each time, I again heard the message, “You will not die now. You have not completed what you are here to do. You need to focus on manifesting your return to health.”
So I accepted the message and held the vision of myself as healthy, vital and embarking on the journey to follow my life purpose. I worked with my partner, Paul, and a very special partner (whom I have never met), my stem cell transplant donor. I enlisted literally hundreds of collaborators, most of whom I also never met, to help me on my journey. Of course, there were the doctors. Then there were the nurses, the nursing assistants, the orderlies, the nutritionists, the housekeeping staff, the hospital therapists, the technicians, the radiologists, the phlebotomists, the lab workers. Equally important were the people outside of the medical profession that were every bit as instrumental in my healing. These wonderful people gave me herbal and nutritional supplements / medicines, they gave me the best home care, they prayed with me and for me, they sent positive vibrational energy into the universe for me, they held the intention of my health, they sent reiki, they sent healing music and inspirational artwork, they called, they visited, they did physical therapy, they made me smile. They each had special gifts that they conferred on me. I gratefully accepted each gift as a part of my healing.
I do know that if I had not been able to hold the message that I would be well and open myself to the support from not only the medical professionals, but also each of the others, that the road would have been much more difficult and the outcome may have been completely different.
But, I am happy to say that August 12, 2016 will be my 5th birthday, the day that the doctors at Mayo Clinic will call me CURED! I am grateful for the message. I am grateful that I was able to hold that message throughout the ordeal and that I was blessed with each of my partners and collaborators.